Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Looking back

2013 is coming to an end. This has been a busy year for me and a lot has happened. But of course, with me being me, I started thinking about all the things I didn't do, which brought on a whole slew of negative emotions. (Mostly guilt and shame. Plus I felt guiltily lazy over not working out again like how I had promised myself.) And then yesterday it hit me.

Amelia had just gone down for her afternoon nap so I hurried to get some house work done. I was sitting on the floor in the living room, dusting the bottom of the coffee table. I was thinking about everything I had wanted to do but hadn't gotten to yet and was becoming increasingly upset with myself.

I was (ok…still am) behind on blogging. I suck at running my FB page. I want to put together more giveaways. I have 16 chapters left of edits to through in STAY. I hadn't gotten to ride Mystery as much as I wanted to this fall and now it was cold and snowy and icy. My Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse cosplay dress is hanging in my room and only halfway done. I had Oreos for breakfast and watched 4 episodes of Dr. Who while snuggling my baby…and I had only written two books this year.

That's where I stopped myself. Two books. One year. Really, it's not that bad. On average, it takes about a year to write ONE novel, I had to remind myself. And then I remembered all the other stuff I had accomplished in 2013.

I became a nurse, passing my NCLEX exam in the beginning of the year. I got my first job as a nurse and was working full time while writing. I signed a 4 book deal with Permuted Press. I was pregnant for more than half of the year (while working full time and writing!). And then of course I gave birth to our beautiful daughter and had spent the last 4 (almost five!!) months taking care of Amelia and being a full time new mommy.

So those two books suddenly became pretty impressive.

One thing I hardly ever do is appreciate me. It's just not something that comes naturally to me. I'm always critiquing myself, pushing myself to be better or do more. There is always room for improvement and I'm rarely satisfied with my own work. Going over this past year and appreciating everything that happened was…nice.

I still want to get my shit together and blog more, be more involved with my FB page (I REALLY love talking to fans and readers!), host more giveaways and be more efficient in editing and writing. But I'm not going to be so hard on myself.

I don't want to rush through life just so I can check things off a list. There will be times in the upcoming year where I spend the day watching TV and cuddling with Amelia. I will forget to blog for weeks at a time. There will be (many) days where I eat junk food and not work out.

And that is ok.


  1. Don't be hard on yourself! You have accomplished more than most people have in 5 years! :) Your are doing great!

  2. We are our own worst critics. I think you kicked ass this year. xoxo

  3. I work 2 jobs and have 6 kids and write when possible it hit this am I could use some orissa in my life

    1. Oh wow! I don't know how you do it! One baby makes it tough for me!! You are amazing for sure!